Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite
thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some
sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for
the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order to keep up my strength. The only
thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear
into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what
I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the
duration of the event. However, I could hear the
noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I
must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his
feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow
-- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain
that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell, so he is safe.
For now...
Graphics from Free Animal Clipart
1 comment:
OMG, I almost peed my pants that was so funny!
Thanks for the laugh!
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